I’ve gained it back. Almost every original pound. Almost. It’s a word that haunts me. I ALMOST made it to my goal. I ALMOST worked out today. I ALMOST tracked my foods. “AL-MOST, adv: very nearly but not exactly or entirely.” Almost.
I’m done with almost. I want a restart. So here I am, nice to meet you. I weigh 187.6 according to my home scale. I am a happily married, stay-at-home mom who was diagnosed with brain cancer in 2009, statistically supposed the die in 2010, and sit here today tumor free in the fall of 2011. I am a fighter. I live with the knowledge that my cancer could come back at anytime and yet I have put my faith in God that He will carry me through whatever trials this life brings.
As a result of my cancer I have had three brain surgeries and am currently medicated for “petit mal” or “absence” seizures. The medication is a problem. In the past month it’s been the source of many weight issues. It makes me feel unstable – so I eat. It gives me a headache – so I eat. It makes me frustrated – so I eat… you get the idea. Now that I know it is the medication causing my ailments, I feel as though I can better prepare myself for these little battles against the pantry. But it’s SO frustrating. I try so hard and give up so easily. I would love to say that I can and will be perfect from now on, but I know better than that. The only thing I can do is be honest with myself and try again.
Step One: “Create a New Slate and Accept Reality”. I must learn from my mistakes without living in them. I must put to use all the tools that I learn. I need to accept that my metabolism can no longer handle the foods I used to eat. That sitting on the couch all day is NOT good for my mental health. And, I must also accept my own abilities – I CAN do a whole lot more than I give myself credit for. I can handle a good workout. I NEED a good workout… and not just one, a lifestyle of working out. It’s easier to think that I can’t handle it, but I can.
Today is a new day – it has never happened before. It holds within it opportunities and challenges. Lord, help me keep my head up and meet those challenges with confidence. I can handle “today” and I will fill my new slate with tools for tomorrow.
